British Comedy Quotes

From Black Adder:

  1. Prince George-"I'm as happy as a Frenchman who has just invented a pair of self-removing trousers"
  2. Baldrick (on the subject of defining the letter C)- "Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in"
  3. Blackadder- Right, Baldrick. Where's the manuscript? Baldrick- You mean the big papery thing tied up with string? Blackadder- Yes, Baldrick. The manuscript belonging to Dr. Johnson. Baldrick- You mean the baity fellow in the black coat who just left? Blackadder- Yes, Baldrick. Dr. Johnson. Baldrick- So, you're asking where the big papery thing tied up with string belonging to the baity fellow in the black coat who just left is? Blackadder- Yes, Baldrick. I am. And if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes at the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers. Now for the last time, Baldrick, where is Dr. Johnson's manuscript? Baldrick- On the fire. Blackadder- On the what?! Baldrick- The hot, orangy thing under the stony mantelpiece.
  4. Blackadder- "I'm afraid my ambitions stretch slightly further than professional idiocy in West London"
  5. Blackadder- "I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, and even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulations"
  6. Blackadder- "If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would've bought one at the market"
  7. Blackadder- "I am therefore leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat"
  8. Blackadder- "Eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil."
  9. Blackadder- "I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities."

From Absolutely Fabulous:

  1. Edina (On the fact that she had absorbed her mud wrap)- Every pore is an overeater!!
  2. Patsy (On a memory)- I was scarred for life, cut to ribbons. Saffy- Funny how it got you in the same place behind each ear...
  3. Saffy (To Edina)- You move from self-induced crisis to self-induced crisis.
  4. Edina (About seeing if a fly is secretly a human.. hey, don't ask me!)- You'll hate the day you squoosh something with a tiny human head. You'll hear it say 'Wait, stop! I'm a professor of physics! Take me back to my laboratory!' You'll wish you were a buddhist then, darling.
  5. Edina (On any given occasion)- Sweetie darling sweetie darling sweetie darling!
  6. Edina.. again (When Lulu, the famous British celebrity tries to leave her table at a restaurant)- Lulilelolo lulu lulululululululululululu!
  7. Saffy- If you were a Chinese supermodel in your 'past life', how come now you're just a mad fat old cow?
  8. Edina (Very drunk, as if she weren't always)- I wonder why things didn't work out between me and Justin? Patsy- He's gay... Edina- That wasn't it, was it? Patsy- Yes.